Being a Woman

My mother had called me last night to tell me about a book that she is reading about. The book is about womanhood by a Japanese American author. She is a woman in her 50's, and I think that her views are a bit old fashioned, but there are still some meritt to what she says.

My mother and I got into a converstaion about the contemporary society and the loss of womanhood. The things that had engendered women had become lost in our society. Women are now expected to make and do like men. Make a lot of money, be active, and even lead a life that is not centered around families.

These are exactly the things that had offended me about American feminism when I was in high school. I hated the idea that women who were home makers were subservient to career women. According to American feminism, the specific customs and qualities that engendered myself, my mother, and my girlfriends were the very things that disempowered us. Things like, cooking, cleaning, ironing, and doing these sorts of chores around the house were things that belonged to us women. But it was shameful to participate in these things, let alone to enjoy them.

It's as if us women who came from another land, with different skin tones (other than white), we have an idea of gender and womenhood that is more practical. The idea of womanhood was something that came with our upbringing. Something that I had resisted as a child in Japan, when I had to learn how to speak Japanese, the girl way: when I had to play soccer in an all boy's club, because no girls wanted to play. But as I learned to become more acustomed to the society norms, I started to appreciate the things that made us women. When I graduated from college, I remember my brothers having to learn for the first time, how to cook and do laundry. How strange, seeing them go through the awkwardness of learning, and seeing them enjoy the practice.

It was Donna Haraway who wrote in Cyborg Manifesto, that she would rather be a cyborg than a goddess. I think the idea of being a machine or a self anointed divinity gives me the cringe. One conjures up an image of a skinny white woman in suits, and the other is a fat old woman with long wavy hair. But especially the idea of a cyborg, who is genderless, that is half human, half machine, half man, half woman, is horrifying. It strips me of the qualites that I had cherished in my mother, my own culture and myself. I had not considered my own gender, what kind of woman I am. I'm not thinking that I can make my own gender identity. It is what I am. What am I? I am many things.

Here are my heroes...

Etsuko Matsuo
Eleanor Roosevelt (well, I still have to read her autobiography)
Janine Antoni
Meena Satnarain
Andrea Zittel
Teri Rueb
Eliza McKenna
Jennifer Weiss
Elizabeth Diller
Octavia Butler
Ruth Asawa
all my girlfriends

My grandfather

List for the Week.

Ok, so here are some projects that I need to work on...

Growing Pain-as soon as possible
-since I was a kid, I used to have this thing, called growing pain. I remember crying at night as a kid, because my limbs would hurt. Weird... My mom told me, recently that my grandmother had the same thing too.... Anyway, it's a silly thing.

Some studies...

Binding thesis documents, white, cut them in to half size books.
Stuff the books with naked trees. seeds. Make the body of the books grow.
Give these away as christmas gifts.

As a counterpart to this,
Take pictures of pig meat parts, and stuff it with seeds.
Take pictures of wounds, stuffed with plants.
Take pictures of wounds of trees stuffed with bleeding fruits. - this is a different kind of pain... this is more about birthing.. it's kind of like a different project. It's like 'woman's work' that amanda, meena and i did... our work got stuffed into a tree... such a violent response, yet it's so powerful.

Making Space for Art-Saturday
Dirty space-Traditional Studio, private space
Clean space-Media studio, public space

floating sacs in the air, illuminated.

I need to do some diagramming of the key ideas overlayed onto the master plan... just so that I could start to understand how people navigate through this.

So for the pinup... I want to have collages, and diagrams. My goal is to have at least the general idea squared away, and take a stab at the design.

Structure and composition next step.


Mom's Website, Marketing-whenever
How can my mom sell bee health products? I'm thinking that if she approaches it more as beauty products... it might work better... or atleast be more fun on my part.
Hmmm.... I should go to Whole Foods and Elephant Pharmacy. How to make a website...

DIY-holiday project
I'm fixing my laptop. I swapped the hard drive from an old laptop to the one that's broken. Now I have to reconnect the drivers.
I need to fix my bike chain. The chain is lose, and I need to replace it. So this is probably going to be next week.

Christmas presents-lotions (?)

Time to Grow Up

I got my hair done in Chinatown, and I got my eye brows done in Piedmont, by a Chinese lady. They both struck me as self-righteous types. I didn't like the way they did their jobs, and commented on how to change it, and of course, they resisted. They take pride in their creations. They are like artists. I don't like those qualities. Self-righteous. I am the same way.



My grandfather almost died several times in China, and Siberia. He was lucky that he had survived. My family is lucky that we exist. He is my idol and my hero since I was little. He is also my mother's hero. He did what he had to do... I'm always trying to do what I want to do-nothing really special there.

Time to Grow Up

Touchable Stories

This is a project that is created by Shannon Flattery. She had traveled from East coast to here, in Richmond, creating these community story telling projects. She had interviewed hundreds of people in Richmond and created a handful of rooms/installations based on certain themes. People navigated through the rooms to see the themes. The most successful of the rooms were the Mexican one, where there was a gigantic Zoetrope. I think I liked it the most because it was really optic, and all inclusive, and playful. So these are the three magical combination for success in my book. Other people had apparenly felt that other rooms were more interesting... A former congressman cried when he saw one of the rooms.

This art form isn't really my kind of art. I'm not convinced. Probably because it really wasn't aesthetic. I got into a really interesting conversation after the event with a British artist who does similar work as Shannon. She had done some interesting and incredible work, centered around community activism and public art. She said that artists are important in bringing political change, and that they are facilitators between the government and the people. That's inspiring, but it's not true. I told her that we are more like 'shock troops of gentrification', and that we go into impoverished neighborhoods and bring in the developers. I told her that the 'intent' doesn't matter anymore, it's all about the system, and good or bad, we all get used up in this system.

But we still have to do something. Is what she said. And that's true. I still think that what she does is important.

Elizabeth Diller

She is an amazing person, who, like all genius is able to tell her story with such simplicity. She started her lecture explaining that it was going to be mostly theraputic, and less polemic.. I love that. I think I want my interaction with people to be more like that. I want to bring comfort and joy to people through the things that I love to do.

When I went to go see Rem Koolhas, I was turned off by him from the second he opened his mouth. Everything that he said was very complicated, and nobody was really able to understand him except for a selected few. I am thinking back at everyone in the audience who probably felt as stupid as I did, but just sat quietly and marveled at the ugly images that he cast in the projection. It's true, I don't care so much what the presenter say, as long as the images are beautiful.... We are an ocular centered society, after all. If Rem Koolhas was a student of mine: if I was his teacher (ha!), I would probably tell him to cut it out!

I am trying to figure Liz Diller out. She comes across like a simple farmer girl. And maybe that's really all that she is. She is very logical and non-emotional. She is very stable. She doesn't budge, and just follow suit with what she likes, and her pleasure in architecture comes through. She is very humble, and there wasn't a spec of ego that came through. She had accomplished quite a lot, but her attention was very much about the enjoyment of doing, more so than being proud of her accomplishments. She's sexy, well, I can only imagine, having sex with her will be a lot of fun.

My boss is also inspirational. I havn't come across people like that in a long time. People who still take enjoyment out of what they do. Finally, I've met a positive architect role model... twice in a row!

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This world is making me crazy. But it's also kind of fun. I think what ever happens, I can always enjoy life.... I mean, no body can really take that away. And the rest of the things, the price you pay for mistakes, are put on the tab called growth.

My 30th year resolution... I'm not going to feel sorry for myself anymore.. and also, I'm not going to apologize for myself anymore. I'm 30 and I'm realizing that I'm all alone in the world. I'm also free, again.

Diller and Scofidio - 12/13/07 at SF MOMA!

yay! I'm going to be there. :)

R A D I O H E A D

While you can still get them for free!

http://www.inrainbows.com/

and a few other sites... I would like to get more knowlegeable about music. So this is how I'm going to start... just by talking/writing about it.

CAN
http://www.spoonrecords.com/

Flaming Lips
http://www.flaminglips.com/main.php

LAMB
http://www.lamb.tv/home.html
they're just soooo mooody! I love it.

Devendra Banhart
http://www.devendrabanhart.com/

I really like what he's done in his new albums... I like that he's experimenting, unlike whats his name that had similar voice that just disappeared after doing many albums that were all very similar.

I get a lot of this from my roommate and my friends, like Dan (Jewish) Backman. I think we have similar music taste. Dora used to have a radio show. Pretty rad. I'm going to ask her more about her show (I think she said it was a lot of social political stuff). I'm a bit funny, and I like to listen to things like car-talk.... even though...... I don't have a car.

Richmond Art Center

I went with Kelley today to the Richmond Art Center to meet with Julia Hamilton. It turns out that I knew Julia. I have been to her house, her brother had worked with me, and her father runs the school that my classmate's husband is studying at. She looked composed and awkwardly landed in her new environment. She is freshly graduated like Kelley and I.

The meeting was nebulous and disorganized, and it seems like that's the forcast for this project. Julia asked yes or no questions, and not many thought provoking questions. Her questions were things like 'Do you have conflict resolution experiences?' How am I supposed to answer that? Kelley answered no, and I said yes. But in truth Kelley is more apt with interpersonal things, and I am better at getting things done. So the meeting was strange because we kept on tossing the ball around, where nobody wanted to take ownership of the ball. I hate leaving meetings feeling like I should have gotten more out of it.

On the ride back, Kelley warned of burnout. It seems like we might have to do a lot of legwork. To prevent burnout, I can spend more energy into thinking about how other people can help us with this project. And if we are more organized, then it can prepare us.

Anyway. I love the prospect of being around foodies. People who love good food. It seems to go hand in hand with life. I can't imagine being in a country that doesn't appreciate good food.

UK is not all Brains

-Because I forget where I park my bike all the time. And aparently, I'm not that exceptional.


Forget It-http://www.preciousonline.co.uk/lifestyle/wellbeing/july06/forget_it.php







Be honest – how many times a day do you utter the phrase: “Now, where are my keys?”. If it’s even once, you can count yourself among the 73% of the UK population who routinely forget where they left spectacles, keys and the TV remote control, according to a new survey carried out by YouGov for BRAIN TRAINER, the pocket-sized ‘mental gymnasium’.

In an online survey of over 2,450 men and women around the country, we ’fessed up to being a nation of lightweights when it comes to recalling the essentials of life. "Nearly half of us (48%) forget to post important letters or bills on time. Around a third (35%) fail to remember work information or deadlines, which can have dire consequences - since 7% of the forgetters have had trouble at work or been fired as a result. 36% of people often forget a route they have travelled several times before. And at one time or another, 34% have forgotten where they parked the car.

Some statistics in the research reflect generally held assumptions – for example, that more men (13%) than women (8%) forget anniversaries or birthdays (37% for men to 24% for women). Men (41%) are more likely than women (30%) to need reminding about work information or deadlines. However, women are more forgetful about the factors that require spatial or time awareness – such as the ‘where’s my car?’ parking dilemma the car or remembering to post that important letter. It must be my age, dear! It’s easy to characterise people as ‘a bit dippy’ and put their forgetfulness down to age or gender. Surprisingly, the research doesn’t always bear this out. ",1]

Around half of us (47%) can’t even remember what day it is, and if it’s a special day like a family birthday, 30% of us will be completely oblivious. 10% will forget that it’s their wedding anniversary, but if they’ve mislaid their glasses, they probably couldn’t see to write a card anyway!

Nearly half of us (48%) forget to post important letters or bills on time. Around a third (35%) fail to remember work information or deadlines, which can have dire consequences - since 7% of the forgetters have had trouble at work or been fired as a result.

16% of people often forget a route they have travelled several times before. And at one time or another, 34% have forgotten where they parked the car.

Some statistics in the research reflect generally held assumptions – for example, that more men (13%) than women (8%) forget anniversaries or birthdays (37% for men to 24% for women). Men (41%) are more likely than women (30%) to need reminding about work information or deadlines. However, women are more forgetful about the factors that require spatial or time awareness – such as the ‘where’s my car?’ parking dilemma the car or remembering to post that important letter.

My Re-affirming Conviction

It's time for revenge. Goddamit.

Fuck Architecture

I think this is my latest conviction.

I HATE ARCHITECTS!! I've always hated architects. The profession's killing me.


.....................................................

So, on a lighter note... I went to this amazing sushi restaurant today in Alameda. I don't want to blog the name of the restaurant, because the chef really wants to limit his clientel. You can always yelp it, or drop me an email.

The restaurant's tiny, and you can only bring maybe one or two other guests. Bar seating is the best so that you can interact with the chef. The place opens at 5.30pm.

This is the best of what we had:
Tuna tataki - lightly seared tuna on a bed of sliced white onion, with slices of garlic and pickled hot stuff. The tuna just didn't taste like fish, it tasted more or less like meat.
white saba nigiri - the fish tasted like foie gras.
maguro maki - this is a traditional Osaka style sushi. Sweet rice was sandwiched between two pieces of fatty maguro and a layer of kelp seaweed. The roll was wrapped in banana leaves for a couple of days. It tasted more like a Chinese tamali than sushi. sooo amazing! He said that this style of sushi was the predecessor to the contemporary virsion.

The expression on everyone's face was pretty amazing. Everyone transformed into a child when they were ordering their tastings. We sat around the bar, and waited for our turns, and watched the chef dice up the fish. Waiting, waiting, giggling, waiting. Then came the most beautiful mori awase. Definately, this experience filled me with a feeling of bountiful gratitude.

Everything's a learning experience for me lately. This particular experience reminded me what I had forgotten. The joy of making something beautiful and having other people partake in the joy of the experience. To experience beauty is really worth living for. And I want to be a maker of beauty.

Moorfield Eye Hospital

http://www.mediaarchitecture.org/conf/about/moorfield-eye-hospitallondon/
So this is beautiful. Visual stimuli for the visually impaired children.

Children's Eye Hospital