Worker

As I work more, and it's been about a year since I've graduated, and been in the 'worker' world... I'm starting to gain more control over the whole thing.

What do I mean by 'control'?

It means having a certain goal, of something that you want to get... and sometimes making different moves, to refrain, to let it be, to let it out, to be, and most of the times to act in order to get that goal. There's a certain kind of conscious decision making... or deciding against pressure and habit insstead of running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

This is completely addictive behavior... and sometimes, I have to admit, must be pathetic in the eyes of other people. I use to watch people like me, and feel like they are crazy or just plain pathetic... I like it now. It's not that pathetic yet.

My right eye is twitching. What is it from? Is it from the two cups of coffee I had today? Or is it from the three beers and the margarita that I'm working on right now?

Sometimes I feel like I am running a marathon. Sometimes, it gets boring.

Sometimes I forget to pee when I'm working.

Sometimes I just want to forget my body. I want to run, I want to work, I want to GO and forget the carnal world.

I told Hin that my boss doesn't think that I'm going to be an architect.. and he said that 'no body knows your potential. Even you don't.' What a wonderfully poetic reply.

I think this is why my mother biked 100 miles on a mountain bike. I think this is why people climb mountains, climb sky scrapers, or become alchies. Do things that's potential bad for themselvees. Just so that they could find their limit.

I wonder how I'm going to find my limit.