More on Happiness

I listened to Sonja Lubomirski talk about her new book on Happiness through Innovation Hub as I ran through Golden Gate Park today.  She spoke about happiness in terms of relationships, job/status, and community/religion.

With relationships, she differentiated passionate love and companion love.  The passionate love often is at the beginning of a relationship - which is much like infatuation, and cannot last.  The companion love is something like what's felt through best friends.  Passionate sex is something that wane with long relationships and marriage - because we start to see our partners similar to siblings.

She described Job satisfaction and societal status through Hedonic Adaptation.  Hedonic adaptation is our human ability to adapt to positive or negative changes in our lives.  Even if good things happen in our lives (marriage, job change, moving), we would often become accustomed to the change, so the honey-moon happiness always doesn't last.  This kind of happiness is fleeting.  People who didn't experience the change in jobs, or marriage, etc wouldn't feel the honey-moon happiness - but remain at their original level of happiness.  In a lot of ways, it's best to be realistic about making changes in life.

Community or Religion gives us a sense of connection and support network - so this can bring us a sense of happiness.  

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Looking back at the things that I was influenced with 5 years ago - comparing myself to my colleagues, etc - the things that bothered me back then, about my self doesn't bother me any more...  I don't feel as inferior or insecure compared to other people - even if I don't have a kick ass residence, or mate, or hobby, or body or whatev's.  I see now, what is behind the beautiful faces - and I'm not so sure if all that is really worth all that.
I've seen the day to day of a dream job - it really does just look good on paper.

I guess life is becoming more and more 'need-based'...  where as, when youthful it was more 'desire-based'...  It's turning out that what I want is increasingly becoming what everyone else wants.  Happiness, comfort, love, mate, etc...

Architect

There are many different kinds of architects.



I recently saw an exhibition of lebbeus woods' works at sfmoma.  He is a paper architect with so very few built works.  But I can see the allure and power of his mind.

Tadao ando is one of the fathers of modern architecture in Japan.  He had a high school education, no formal training in architecture, and was a boxer.  He has a crazy temperament and would even punch his workers.  Crazy guy - iconic.

I have only worked in small offices except for my short stunt at bgk and nbbj.  I like learning architecture through a mentor - or a boss.  I was always fascinated by artists, monks, and the types.  I cherish the living relics - and to me - even if this way of learning architecture is by default - anti- trendy, NOT fashionable, it's fulfilling to me.  I like the personal factor and it makes me want to give a good fight.  "design like I give a damn"

And so - working as a part of a huge system or factory, like school - can be fun, but too competitive and empty for me.

I had been working at this 3person office since last June.  It's about 9 months now - and my boss and I are establishing some kind of connection - finally.  It was crazy when I had first started- worked a crazy lot of hours - 12, 14 hour days.  Because my boss was not nice to me, and kept dumping things on my feat at 5:30pm.  Of course I tried to please him.  But was mostly scared of him.  Especially because the fate of the previous Asian girl was scary-typical.  She was sort of in tears most of the time and ended up quitting.  My co-worker said that he hates women.  And seeing how he talks to and about our female clients - I BELIEVED it.

But somehow - now - my boss had taken up my casual ways of speaking.  Slipping 'cool' and 'awesome' in his vocabulary.  I had gotten pissed at him last Friday when he tried to make me stay late to meet with him.  I think I snapped and just told him that I have to leave promptly.  I don't know if I can be a better architect than him - probably not.  But I realized that I've snubbed him and an opportunity to learn - because of my preoccupation with other parts of my crap life hunting for love.

So time to refocus again.  The kind of architect I want to be?  Is NOT what I thought when I was a student...  It's kind of silly to think of a lazy fat architect - and respectable?  Who am I trying to win the respect of?

What KIND of architecture I want to practice?  I think that is a bit more clearer - and lets just say that there will never be a TED talk associated with REIKO.

Broken but not quitting

Saturday - hung over - and thinking about true love.

I have my hang up on mr. B - who is now more like a fictional character in my mind.  I am not sure when, but at one point, and it was in the morning when I woke up most likely beside mr. B - I thought that I will probably die with him.  I thought that I would like to grow old with him.  And we talked about that - about being an old Asian woman with permed hair and him with a huntch back of some sort.

And another time - it all quit.  We broke up.

I texted my friend, "either

A.  My definition of true love was wrong
B.  The definition was right but the person was wrong
C.  Or I had given up and so I was wrong"

Then she texted back saying that maybe we had grown apart.

Ugh, her response is so NOT romantic.

I feel broken today.  Ugly as shit.  But to quote dan savage "what ev's"

I'm crying my eyes out right now - and I don't know why - I guess I feel kind of stupid - and I don't even know if I believe in love and if that's even something impt.  I am making a big deal out of nothing.   I'm hoping that tomorrow, I'll be able to run a full 4 miler again.