I'm sick. Emotionaly sick. Can't really do anything about it, just wait til it gets better, I suppose. Kind of really sensitive, and scared of getting hurt again... so I'm feeling like I really don't want to see anybody today.
The key point in falling, is to start running before you hit the ground. To take it literally, I am going to go running today when I get back. Metaphorically, I'm going to set up plans to meet with people for other days. I'm going to apply to other jobs. I'm going to dream about this art project that I'm working on. I'm going to dream of a better life.
Meanwhile, all this emotional turmoil is making me learn something about myself.
I think I want to create things with people so that I can have an emotional connection with them. Which is beautiful. I also want to make beautiful things, and bring joy to people. I want to be appreciated for this act.
That's why I'm an installation artist.... because I want to create events, ephemeral moments that can be shared with people... and is succesful when there are others to be shared with. That's why I draw, because it's about making beautiful objects.
Emotional connection.
It's one of the most abstract thing ever. It's not something that can be easily described, documented, recreated, planned, or fabricated. It's something that happens when you are open. It's part of 'play'. 'Playing' is about seeing the possibility in things and people. When I meet people, I can visualize how to play with them.
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