jerk

some people only feel better when they can control other people. some people feel better when they feel like they are above other people. some people are jerks. some people call only to fight. jerk. i hate people who take things too personally. i hate people who don't have their own boundaries straight. i hate people who always think that it's all about them.

how am i going to deal with them? she's not much of a friend to have. she's just a bit fucked up. i can have better friends. someone who would be nice to me. someone who would make me feel better.

11.20.07

November 19th, 2007

In many ways, this is a significant day. Because I've survived one of my worst week.. and also because I'm currently experiencing an epiphay, as we speak. Also, it's 71 days until I'm 30. And so all of that combined together makes today a special day.

Unbelievable that my first REAL job I had, I got laid off after working there for a measly month and a half.

Unbelievable that that same week, I had a heart break-a tiny one that really was more than what it was.

Unbelievable that that same week, my dad told me never to talk to him again.

Unbelievable. I've gotten this far without having had a real job... I mean, I'm almost 30, and I'm still not doing the REAL job thing....

Keep the idealism, shed the naivety. Work on stability, keep the exploration and freedom. And always enjoy yourself.... What am I going to do when I turn 30?

Invisible.org

Here's a sonic history of the toxic land that is Cali~fornia.
http://invisible5.org/

There's an audio clip that you can download and listen to on your way between SF and LA.
I'm going to download the part about West Oakland right now and listen to it.
It's an interview of locals. It's nice having KALX streaming behind it.

ALSO: $1 Bus Ride between SF and LA
http://www.megabus.com/us/

I hope that I could do this kind of thing even after I get employed full time. ugh, not looking forward to that, but I hope that the next place is going to be more creative, more fun, more energy with young people. I'm going to enjoy this time that I have for now and keep exploring, keep trying to find what I'm good at.

A Silly Theory of Mine

I'm hanging out with a great friend of mine, Emerson. We are so similar, and look so alike, we are more like kin than our actual brothers and sisters. My actual family are special, and irreplaceable, but Emerson's an aquired brother. We even bicker like brother and sister. I'm trying to work on it, so that I understand how NOT to get into fights with him. I owe him a great deal of compassion and friendship. Meena too, have said the same about him... that he's a great friend. I hope that he knows that I really appreciate him, and think that he is very special.

Sometimes I feel really alone in the world. This feeling of being alone, I don't know where it comes from. I think it comes from the need to be more self-sufficient. It's like growing up. The feeling comes with desperation and depression. When I'm overworked, when I'm underworked. When I can't feel like I could relate to my environments. When I'm so tense and anxious that I can't play with my friends. Ugh, it's embarassing when I get that way, too serious to be funny, too funny to be anything else.

I feel like one of those Chinese workers... just a number in a sea of workers. Nothing special. hmmm..

On the 11th day of Unemployment~

Well, nothing really happened that's special. But however, I'm freaking out a little less.

I'm looking for a job, working on my thesis (Which I'm going to get done next week, on Friday), and would really like to make a furry wooden chair in three weeks. Hopefully I can get my shit together by then.

I hate being in this predicament. I'm making it an excuse to behave badly.

I hate the idea that I'm not special. I have to work. I have to become smarter.

I don't like who I've become. I'm not proud of my reflections in the pictures. It's too bad.

Some people look the way they did in high school. I am...

Knoend

Last night, 11.16.07 was Knoend's opening at 427 Bryant St. They featured products designed by Ahmed and his friend Ivy and her husband. Ivy and her hubby have a company named Knoend.

They have products that take into consideration the material a lot.. So questions like 'where it's been, how was it made, what happens to it, and where does it go' gets factored into the design itself. It's pretty cool.

So, the lite 2go, encorporates the packaging as a major component of the light itself.

Other cool products included a Carlo Rossi jug that as cut, and then became a floor lamp.
Another thing is a biodegradeable flower vase that looks like a flower pot.

This is very beautiful, and I hope that one day I can do something like this with my friends. I want to reasearch crazy materials and think about ways to cut cost, cut material, and make beautiful things.