Biking: Bay Fair

I went biking today down by the bay, along the bay trail towards the Oakland Airport and into urban suburbia. Destination was Hayward, and the Bay trail.

I was dodging rail road tracks, and glass, lots of glass on the road. Of course, I missed a patch of glass, rode over it, and after a few miles, I had a flat. I ended up in no where land, or, aka, Lewilling Blvd, Bay Fair. Where the fuck is Bay Fair? There was a Korean grocery store on the road with nothing else around except a run down gas station on the corner that was fenced off. People there looked very strange, not like the people that I see here or in San Francisco. Lots of indegenous descent and Koreans. It felt like another state, like Nevada or Utah.

I felt a bit like McGuiver, trying to figure out a way to make my bike work... I bought a patch kit, and a pump, and right outside the store, I patched up my tube. The thing still didn't work. Defeated. I walked to BART, and went home. Next time, I'm going to skip the glass on the road, and start from Bay Fair. I really wanted to see sunset in a grassy hill by the Bay. Next time with a bottle of red, and with a good friend or a brother.

I like going on these mini excursions. It reminded me of the time that I spent with my brothers, Daisuke and Kentaro. Daisuke and I roller skated a bunch while we lived in Japan. We'd go everywhere in the neighrborhood, and cascaded the streets. In Houston, Texas, us three went on our bikes, or on foot on adventures. We'll find little bugs in puddles after a rain, cat fish in rivers, get our feet stuck in mud or injure our selves on nail stuck on planks of wood in construction sites. I don't think that Kentaro had ever gotten his foot stuck on nail before. He was always the smarter one, the oldest, the more shy one, and uncomfortably the leader with responsibilities. Daisuke was the sweet one, thoughtful and kind. And I was always the special one, for better or for worse.
I'm sure if you'd ask either of them, they'd probably say differently.

I'm being a bit nostalgic right now, for some reason. Maybe it's because it's Sunday, bloody fucking Sunday. I always feel like, remembering these things lets me figure somethings out in the future. I'm figuring out my goals, the things that I have to do, the person that I want to become. If you know what I mean.

My friendships havn't been going so well these past few weeks. Some good, some need tlc.
I need to do the things that I say I'm going to do.
I need to party.
Eeeek, tomorrow's the day for you know what.

David Byrne at SF Symphony Hall

Monday and Tuesday.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=119709231

And John Waters at the Castro Theatre on Monday!
http://www.frameline.org/events/detail.aspx?FID=43

Thanks for Reading

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McDonald's Number 5 Special

Autonomy of Identity within a Close Relationship

That's what I want.

Same thing that every body wants... I want to be loved, and at the same time have fun and be free. I insist on freedom. Love on the other hand, seems kind of painful. Not sure if I'm ready for that yet.

Kelley said that I need to work on humility. I think that means being more respectful of other people.

What am I scared of? I'm scared of being disapointed again. I'm scared that people are going to leave me again.

Why is respect such a challenge?

Because it seemed like, no matter how much I respected people, other people just didn't care. Because I was scared. Because he was supposed to protect me, and I'm all alone and poor, and miserable, and not special at all. And I feel like a little pebble that is so meaningless sometimes... And I guess it feels good to be meaningless sometimes. Less burden.

But what I have to do is... let other people know that they are special too.

Success

How to become successful...

Us humans, we come into this world under very different circumstances, and different genetic base. We acquire different skill sets based on circumstances and also based on our natural abilities. The most successful of us have a good combination of the circumstance and natural ability.

So I'm trying to figure out how to make things work. Things are just really merky, and my tendency is to push too much. There's no belief in destiny here.

I think the key to getting what you want, or to become successful is looking at your situation, looking at yourself, and then to problem solve. Find a solution that you are most comfortable with. Comfort seems to be key.

So in a way, I'm trying to say that we all know. We know what to do, why, what not to do, etc.

Is a Master of Lowering Expectations

It's kind of a way to deal with shit, life, in particular, parents, especially. Lowering Expectations.

I am a...

Japanese speaking Graphic Designer
Substitute Teacher
Tutor
Art Teacher
Organzer
Jr. Architect
Waitress
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Baby sitter
Customer Service Specialist