"We're Hiring. And how. Know a good writer in #SF? Give us a shout: inhk.us/ZrQbel" a job posting for a writer, a self-starter... if my grammar was any good....
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
RFP QUEEN'S WAY PROPOSAL
I am so dying to do this.... my heart rings with visions of a relic in New York.
http://www.archdaily.com/343714/request-for-proposals-queensway-project/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter
http://www.archdaily.com/343714/request-for-proposals-queensway-project/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter
Monday, March 18, 2013
Date With a Lawyer
So he's a few years younger than me, a lawyer/attorney, real estate broker, slum lord, cute boy. Sounds like a power house. A year ago he was wearing a suit on his profile picture, said that he was only into casual dating, yet all the questions he answered on OKC were marriage related questions. I asked him what he was looking for, and he didn't have a straight answer. This guy sounded like a hot mess. Of course that had intrigued me about him, but not enough to do anything about it.
Recently we reconnected. So we met up on Sunday.
I asked what was the hardest thing that he had to over come in his life... and he said it was a break-up. He said that people in their 40's to 60's could have a divorce, and the females can bounce back, but that kind of thing can debilitate men. Make them unable to function in other parts of their lives.
The hardest thing for me? That would be things like grad school, or moving back to America from Japan. Etc. Yes, the break-ups were incredibly hard. I remember when Mr. B and I had broken up at the end of the semester... my laundry was piled up, and I cried all day - It was something Mr. B was more comfortable doing. And I just couldn't do it. I broke down. So pathetic. So strange to think of that back then.
But feeling shitty for months or years wouldn't equate to the other challenges in life that I had to over come. The super duper accomplished Mr. Lawyer dude... jobs and school are easy for him - NOT a big deal, but break ups are hard for him... like how it was for me and you and my ex.
A million thanks to Mr. Lawyer dude - menfolks - they're not so evil as I thought they were. I'm going to regret not going through with this guy...
Recently we reconnected. So we met up on Sunday.
I asked what was the hardest thing that he had to over come in his life... and he said it was a break-up. He said that people in their 40's to 60's could have a divorce, and the females can bounce back, but that kind of thing can debilitate men. Make them unable to function in other parts of their lives.
The hardest thing for me? That would be things like grad school, or moving back to America from Japan. Etc. Yes, the break-ups were incredibly hard. I remember when Mr. B and I had broken up at the end of the semester... my laundry was piled up, and I cried all day - It was something Mr. B was more comfortable doing. And I just couldn't do it. I broke down. So pathetic. So strange to think of that back then.
But feeling shitty for months or years wouldn't equate to the other challenges in life that I had to over come. The super duper accomplished Mr. Lawyer dude... jobs and school are easy for him - NOT a big deal, but break ups are hard for him... like how it was for me and you and my ex.
A million thanks to Mr. Lawyer dude - menfolks - they're not so evil as I thought they were. I'm going to regret not going through with this guy...
Friday, March 15, 2013
It's Animal: Act the Woman, Act the Man
On dating, and trying to find a partner in life.. Partner is the key here right? Some of my friends have had relationships, boy friends, husbands where the man has the total financial superiority in the relationship. No matter how much feminism had given housework (women's work) power, in reality - it ends up not working. Can't deny the power of the bread earning. It's not only the inequality in power, it's also the disconnect between the two people. My mother for one had never worked her whole life and my father was the bread winner. I saw how it did not work for my father and mother.
When we lived in America as children, I was raised just as my brothers. When we moved to Japan, I couldn't stop hanging out and doing everything with the boys - so my parents and teachers had to school me to be more like the other girls, talk like them, stop playing sports, etc. etc. I was jealous of my brothers, of their freedom most of my stay in Japan. I felt horrible that all the sudden I had to become a 'girl' - which in my eyes meant less freedom, less play. I didn't want to EVER be the subservient gender, EVER!
Where I am now - I like to play with the gender roles. I cringe at the idea of living under my father's control or someone like my father. To not ever have my freedom - and to ASK for things in my life. To be afraid.
I'm always challenging the boys that I like. Probably because I'm insecure of my own gender identity. Playing with the gender roles - is confusing when dating. The dude that I'm going on a date with doesn't know how to act - as a boy? as a fem-boy?
I AM old fashioned. I like it when a guy acts the guy and make me feel like female. In the current workforce where women are making 72% of every dollar men makes for the same job function - I honestly can't respect a man if he can't pick up the tab. But it's more than that. My long time ex - Mr. B. I really appreciated that he would pick up the tab all the time - even after 6 years of dating. He would open doors for me, do all the gentlemanly things. Pretty cool. He wasn't always financially stable - we moved around a lot. So I'd come through with rent or anything big picture so that 'we' would be okay. It just comes down to me being an old-fashioned independent female. I want to be able to do everything a boy does, but still be treated like a female.
Here's instructions from my female friend at first date about the tab:
When we lived in America as children, I was raised just as my brothers. When we moved to Japan, I couldn't stop hanging out and doing everything with the boys - so my parents and teachers had to school me to be more like the other girls, talk like them, stop playing sports, etc. etc. I was jealous of my brothers, of their freedom most of my stay in Japan. I felt horrible that all the sudden I had to become a 'girl' - which in my eyes meant less freedom, less play. I didn't want to EVER be the subservient gender, EVER!
Where I am now - I like to play with the gender roles. I cringe at the idea of living under my father's control or someone like my father. To not ever have my freedom - and to ASK for things in my life. To be afraid.
I'm always challenging the boys that I like. Probably because I'm insecure of my own gender identity. Playing with the gender roles - is confusing when dating. The dude that I'm going on a date with doesn't know how to act - as a boy? as a fem-boy?
I AM old fashioned. I like it when a guy acts the guy and make me feel like female. In the current workforce where women are making 72% of every dollar men makes for the same job function - I honestly can't respect a man if he can't pick up the tab. But it's more than that. My long time ex - Mr. B. I really appreciated that he would pick up the tab all the time - even after 6 years of dating. He would open doors for me, do all the gentlemanly things. Pretty cool. He wasn't always financially stable - we moved around a lot. So I'd come through with rent or anything big picture so that 'we' would be okay. It just comes down to me being an old-fashioned independent female. I want to be able to do everything a boy does, but still be treated like a female.
Here's instructions from my female friend at first date about the tab:
Thursday, March 14, 2013
All About Love - New Visions
by bell hooks.
well, the book is easy read. I'm about half way through, and the first couple of chapters gave me a cringe. Some are worth it, and had given me some things to experiment with on my daily life.
'New Vision' is probably questionable. I'm not sure if anything that she's proposing is new. A vision for sure, optimist, yes.
well, the book is easy read. I'm about half way through, and the first couple of chapters gave me a cringe. Some are worth it, and had given me some things to experiment with on my daily life.
'New Vision' is probably questionable. I'm not sure if anything that she's proposing is new. A vision for sure, optimist, yes.
Can't Trust Emotions
I had been crying, almost daily for the last two months. The best one was on an 8 mile run. It was the day after I ran 14 miles for the Oakland Marathon practice run. Childhood memories and emotions welled up - and I was balling, even almost whimpering as I ran around [lake] Merritt. I was thinking about my father mostly - the haunting figure in my life for the past years. I tweeted - 8 miles of confusion. Adrenaline?
I cried this morning again. Sitting at my desk, staring at my computer. - Nope, I'm not depressed. I'm just confused. Pretty happy with my life - unsettling feeling of standing on a level landing, half way to the top, but forgotten where the top is. Ready for a change.
I am studying men folks. Besides what came with my life - my older brother, younger brother, father and grand father, my current life had been bleak. No men in my life. Because 35 year old brain loves risk taking and experiences that is new and scary - I wanted to jump into the dating scene. It's been interesting, and now I'm perched on a landing.
Yesterday this guy told me that he had broken up with this girl that he was dating. The details are a little gross. I had initially thought she was 19. But she's actually 18. She wanted to sleep with him - really badly, I guess. So he (39 year old) did. He said that he had immediately fallen in love with her. I roll my eyes at this. He was crushed, when after two weeks of courtship, the relationship had ended.
My 35 year old female brain can't validate a 2 week courtship as anything more than 'dating', and the 'love' that he felt as anything more than a physical desire. Why do I feel this way? My 35 year old female heart takes a long time to get over disappointments and pain from relationships - and its this pain that leads me to decide to take a different course of action in the future. I am not sure if that is something that would happen here with him.
I just don't think we're speaking the same language. What I learned here: I guess this is how some menfolks work - they fall in 'love' after sex. My brain computes the whole package of the man including: us-future-ness. The whole package contributes to the man's attractiveness - and would then decide to or not to get involved. I kind of expect the man to hold up his bargain, but that can't be counted on. They can be foolish and want a 'relationship' doomed for failure. Like a 39 year old dating an 18 year old. Burden is on the girl to cut the tie, the bull shit.
I cried this morning again. Sitting at my desk, staring at my computer. - Nope, I'm not depressed. I'm just confused. Pretty happy with my life - unsettling feeling of standing on a level landing, half way to the top, but forgotten where the top is. Ready for a change.
I am studying men folks. Besides what came with my life - my older brother, younger brother, father and grand father, my current life had been bleak. No men in my life. Because 35 year old brain loves risk taking and experiences that is new and scary - I wanted to jump into the dating scene. It's been interesting, and now I'm perched on a landing.
Yesterday this guy told me that he had broken up with this girl that he was dating. The details are a little gross. I had initially thought she was 19. But she's actually 18. She wanted to sleep with him - really badly, I guess. So he (39 year old) did. He said that he had immediately fallen in love with her. I roll my eyes at this. He was crushed, when after two weeks of courtship, the relationship had ended.
My 35 year old female brain can't validate a 2 week courtship as anything more than 'dating', and the 'love' that he felt as anything more than a physical desire. Why do I feel this way? My 35 year old female heart takes a long time to get over disappointments and pain from relationships - and its this pain that leads me to decide to take a different course of action in the future. I am not sure if that is something that would happen here with him.
I just don't think we're speaking the same language. What I learned here: I guess this is how some menfolks work - they fall in 'love' after sex. My brain computes the whole package of the man including: us-future-ness. The whole package contributes to the man's attractiveness - and would then decide to or not to get involved. I kind of expect the man to hold up his bargain, but that can't be counted on. They can be foolish and want a 'relationship' doomed for failure. Like a 39 year old dating an 18 year old. Burden is on the girl to cut the tie, the bull shit.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
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